Packaged hangover remedies typically require you to not get a hangover in order to be effective. Blowfish makes no such demand, and it might just save your Sunday.

Colin Joliat

We wouldn’t need hangover pills if we were smart enough to consume fewer than 5 beers or to chug water between cocktails. Those are the sort of directions that most remedies sneak into the small print. And while that’s good advice, it’s also like teaching a skydiver a lesson on gravity instead of how to pull his parachute when he’s already falling. You’re probably hungover right now and just want Clubber Lang to stop punching you in the temple.

Blowfish is 2 parts Alka-Seltzer, 1 part aspirin, and 1 part coffee. Two tablets are dissolved in a glass of water, and then you drink. It doesn’t get much easier than that. The effervescence (thanks spell check) makes getting it down easy even when you don’t want to think about eating or drinking. Blowfish claims to have a lemon flavor, but I was definitely too hungover at the time to notice. Plus, I chugged it as fast as possible.

The concoction didn’t immediately make me feel like skipping on rainbows nor did it fool me into thinking I wasn’t over-served by a few generous bartenders the night before. What it did do was quickly clear the fog. We’ve all experience the haze that clouds your brain as you lay on the couch unwilling or unable to function. The quick jolt of pharmaceutical caffeine eliminated that in about 15 minutes. The effervescent aspirin also helped alleviate the throbbing headache without the lecture on if it’s safe to take Tylenol etc. after drinking.

Don’t expect to pull a marathon drinking session, wake up, take Blowfish, and feel you just got hooked up to a banana bag. Blowfish is good, but it’s not that good. It will absolutely be in my apartment for the rest of my aggressive drinking life though. It’s the Zalinsky of hangovers, too, because they guarantee it’s better than any other product on the market. Luckily you don’t have to stick your head up a bull’s ass to find out it works because I took on that burden for you.

Your sweet relief from hangover hell is going to cost you $1 a dose and is available at CVS and from Blowfish or Amazon. The price is the same everywhere, so no need bargain hunt and risk not being prepared next time.

Keep Blowfish near your books for offsetting classiness.

Colin Joliat