Well, we are back…just in time for Mixology Monday. Seeing as how it is 4/20 we might have expected that the theme would be “herbal”…. In any event, Whitney of the Tipicular Fixin’s blog came up with the excellent theme of “Drink of Shame”. So here is the breakdown:

So, you’re a certified, mixologist, craft-tender, bar chef, or fine spirit enthusiast…now. But, there was a time when you only ordered Long Island Iced Tea. Or, maybe you always made the Jello shots for your frat? Perhaps you’re the reason that your local had an Island Oasis machine for so long? Rye & Ginger? Vodka Seven? Someone was ordering these things. Your street cred would be ruined if you ordered or (gasp) served one now, but don’t you miss it, just a little? Wouldn’t you love to have one more Jolly Rancher? A chance to drink a mudslide without shame? We all made questionable drink choices in our past, the popular drinks from 1970 to the year 2000 were a cheap, sugary mess. Now is the time to resurrect your favourite drink from the time before modern Mixology. Give a new life to the drink… maybe you need to use fresh ingredients, or you can try elevating the spirits. Make everything from scratch or remove an offending ingredient. Do whatever you can to bring back and legitimize a drink you used to love.

Oh my, but that theme does dredge up some interesting memories. And since we started our drinking “endeavors” (careers?) in the 1980’s we have plenty of truly shameful drinks to consider. Along with the aforementioned Mudslides and Long Island Iced Teas we have Woo-woo’s, Sex-on-Beaches, Kamikazes, 501-9s (don’t ask), Jager shots and “Gin Rickeys” that may have had gin…or Everclear….umm, whatever. And these are just a few of the rogues gallery of our wayward youth we could consider.

Before

But it didn’t take long to find a truly shameful drink to reinvent. You see, I had a serious sweet tooth in my college days. And one of my favorite drinks was Bailey’s, Kahlua and Bourbon (any bourbon, whatever swill was in the well) on the rocks. At the time I loved it- not only was it super-sweet, but boozy and fattening as well (perhaps a harbinger of overindulgence to come).

After

We recently tried my old favorite for reference and it was horrific pretty bad. The only flavor was overwhelming, yet bland, sweetness. No coffee flavor came through and the only redeeming quality was that it resembled a boozy milkshake. At least that is a decent place to start…who doesn’t like booze in a milkshake? (What? You have never tried booze in a milkshake? We suggest you correct this oversight.)

Happily, we could easily improve on my old favorite and add some real flavor. We kept the Baileys, used St. Georges’ NOLA coffee liqueur for real coffee flavor and used decent bourbon- and more of it. Then we added spice with Allspice Dram and Amargo Chuncho (Peruvian bitters that add spice, herbal and extra coffee notes). What did we get? A very tasty, boozy “milkshake”, with clear bourbon, cream and coffee notes, along with spice and even a hint of chocolate flavor. It is still a ridiculously fattening, sugary and strong drink…but at least it’s good.

As for the name, it is a riff on a great scene from the movie “Pulp Fiction”. Yes Vincent Vega, this is truly a “Five Dollar Milkshake”.

Thanks again to Whitney for hosting this month and Fred Yarm at Cocktail Virgin Slut for keeping the party going.

The Five Dollar Milkshake:

Ingredients:

• 3/4 oz. Irish Cream (Bailey’s)
• 3/4 oz. good coffee liqueur (St. Georges’ NOLA)
• 1 1/2 oz. good Bourbon (Four Roses)
• 1/4 oz. allspice liqueur
• 2 dashes Amargo Chuncho

Assemble:

1. Add all the ingredients to a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well until chilled and slightly frothy. Strain into a Collins or highball glass filled with ice. Serve with a straw.